so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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