I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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