You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You just made me feel so damn special
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
