I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
