Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
