she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
