Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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