She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
