you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
