Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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