Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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