i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
