Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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