Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
