I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
