Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
