We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
