Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
