for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
