He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
