I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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