My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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