I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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