Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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