i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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