so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
