guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize