i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
