running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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