i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
