How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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