Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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