There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
