I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
