sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
