You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
