He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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