Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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