You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
