we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
