just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
