so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
