he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize