FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Say something about gay babies.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
