I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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