your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Randomize
