I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
