the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
