How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
