I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
