So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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