If that was your dad, he is hot
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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