Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
birth control should be required to get into college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
