i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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