You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
