she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
