Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
