if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
