I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
