fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
