I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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