Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
