Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
