the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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