She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
