it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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