this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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