dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
