I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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