My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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