Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My breasts were aching with rage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
