You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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