Pappa wants mamma naked
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just invented taco cereal.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
