You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
