I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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