we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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