the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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