Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My vagina is officially offended.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
