I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
