but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
